#the lack of empathy was deeply depressing

[kerink]

the thing that's been most surprising to me with mouthwashing so far is how little empathy people are willing to extend to curly. and i don't mean this in a piss on the poor way, i'm deeply saddened and genuinely confused by it.

when i first played the game i was at one of the lowest points i've been at in a really long time. my mental health is bad my physical health is bad. i experienced SA a year ago and was recently diagnosed with cancer. i have 2-5 doctors appointments every week with various specialists.

all the while me and two of my doctors are talking about if i need to make a career change that's going to best support my poor health and improve my overall well being. and my family and friends struggle to understand, because i have a doctorate and a good job and live on my own. everyone looks at my life in awe, and they don't understand why i'm unhappy. they tell me so every time i try to explain it.

so when i played i immediately identified with curly. here is a man who's deeply depressed, having hallucinations, trying to reach out to his best friend for support but just has his words thrown back in his face, doesn't want to burden anya with his stuff because she has her own stuff and he wants her to lean on him, he has all these responsibilities and people look up to him and rely on him and have these ideas about him. the highest wrung of their ladder is the lowest of his, and they have no way of conceptualizing why or how he's unhappy and dissatisfied. before the reveal that he's innocent, i completely understood why he attempted suicide.

and then he develops a new disability.

when jimmy goes to crash the ship, he uses curly's unhappiness to try to convince him a murder-suicide is a good idea, and it works. it buys jimmy enough time to get to the cockpit and crash the ship. curly's too in his own head to realize what jimmy meant because jimmy distracted him with how bad his life is. it isn't until the sirens start that curly snaps out of it and it clicks for him what jimmy's done.

i'm not going to re-litigate the issue about if curly could have done more for anya because i've said pretty much all i have to say on it already.

but we really need to highlight that in addition to his lack of tangible choices, he's sleep deprived, deeply depressed, and hallucinating. this is not a man in his right mind making his best choices.

and over and over again i see people refusing to extend him any empathy, to call him a bystander. does a man who says he'll do anything to help and who wanted to be there when anya broke the news and who does his best to play liaison between anya and jimmy sound like a bystander? he let anya keep the gun case! he knew having it would help her feel better!

how good of a friend have you been when you were in your pit of despair? how much were you able to pour into others when your glass was empty?

anya wanted her and curly's support to be reciprocal. if she has enough psych training to do the evals, and having been thru nursing school, she's probably well aware that she and curly need to both be pouring into each other if either of them are going to be any good to anyone. but curly is so determined to defend and protect anya he won't confide in her, despite the fact it's running him so thin that he almost takes jimmy's bait that suicide is a good idea.

i don't think we need to absolve curly of his responsibility. i don't think we should over look his role as an enabler. i don't think we should discredit or discount analyses of his failures. but i'm so tired of people actively avoiding getting in his shoes, getting in his head, reflecting on how they've acted in the past when thinking and feeling similar ways. our worst moments don't make us monsters.

it makes me so sad. and frankly it makes me feel like all the times my family hasn't understood when i've tried to reach out. curly is screaming in agony and just like jimmy we're just trying to keep him quiet because it's too complicated to deal with.

[antisocialsharky]

ASPD Affects More Than Just Behavior

I spent some time in the disorder related subreddits (big mistake, I know) and stumbled upon the following comment:

"ASPD shouldn't be a personality disorder diagnosis, its just bad behavior and has nothing to do with personality"

Lets get into why that is absolute bullshit, shall we?

1. ASPD is more than just behavior. While no diagnostic mannual is able to describe the whole range of experiences that fall under a diagnostic label, even the DSM-5, with its very behavior heavy criteria, manages it to get that point across. You'll find mentions of a "lack of remorse", "irritability & aggressiveness" and "disregard for the safety of self or others" in the main criteria.

The "associated features supporting diagnosis" section, mentions the following additional traits, that could be seen as not strictly behavioral in nature: lack of empathy, inflated & arrogant self appraisal, glib/superficial charm, inability to tolerate boredom and depressed mood.

The proposed alternative ASPD criteria (that is not used for diagnosis, but is used to understand the condition) describes these traits: egocentrism, absence of prosocial inner standards, lack of remorse, lack of concern for others, incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, callousness, persistent/frequent angry feelings, boredom proneness, lack of concern for ones limitations, denial of the reality of personal danger and lack of respect for promises & aggreements.

All of those traits are not strictly behavioral, but have something to do with ones emotional state and thought patterns. Its the basis, that provokes and influences behavior sure, but claiming that ASPD is nothing beyond that behavior is ridiculous.

2. The definition of a personality seems to be along the lines of being "a characteristic way of thinking, feeling and behaving" or "any person's collection of interrelated behavioral, cognitive, and emotional patterns that comprise a person’s unique adjustment to life". Everyone will have their personal definition, but this does overlap with how the DSM-5 defines a personality and thus defines the areas in which a personality is seen as disordered (whether you are a fan of that concept or not).

As mentioned above, theres a lot of evidence in the criteria that ASPD is not just comprised of "disordered behavior", but also "disordered emotions" and "disordered thought patterns". Or, if you prefer to think of it this way, you could say that ASPD affects all three areas in a way that disables the individual.

Now, a very interesting part of the personality definition is the "unique adjustment to life" part and that brings me to my next point.

3. A personality disorder is caused by a mix of different factors, but most often includes a genetic and an environmental factor. This environmental factor usually has something to do with trauma and/or adjusting to a difficult life situation.

And oh damn would you look at that...its almost as if ASPD, as a personality disorder, is a unique way of adjusting to that difficult life situation, which totally overlaps with the definition of a personality. Shocker...

All sillyness aside, ASPD is a deeply ingrained pattern that forms as a way of surviving & being able to deal with what life throws at you. Its not superficial, its not just behavior. It influences everything. You can think of it as a liquid, that seeps into the smallest crevices of your brain and sticks to the walls and refuses to leave again.

The fact that ASPD is so often singled out, as being "just bad behavior" is no mistake of course. Its due to stigma and the way in which people view antisocial traits as bad & undesirable (tho the same could be said for all other PDs in one way or another). It proves yet again, how little some people know about the subject and how much more awareness is needed.

Some part of the blame, probably lies with the behavioral focus in the DSM-5 main criteria, which is often the only one people learn about! Many do not bother looking beyond and learning about the condition from the people who have it, or explore what it simply is in the end: an adjustment of personality that just made sense/was essential and cannot be entirely reversed again (and the argument could be made, that it shouldn't have to be reversed).

Let me quickly dive into some personal examples at the end, to make the whole thing a bit more graspable:

• ASPD is more than just behavior, because if I see someone cry because they hurt themselves, I cannot feel with them and I do not feel any desire to help them. I will think about them as weak and annoying, I will secretly hope that they just stop so I don't have to deal with it and I will have to work hard to keep the annoyance that I feel off my face. The behavioral part will be what I do about it. Do I get up, turn around and walk away? Or do I sit down and comfort them and try to help, even if it entirely goes against any emotion I feel & any thoughts I have?

• ASPD is more than just behavior, because if someone just so happens to bump into me in public, I will feel anger. I will be furious, curse words will run trough my head and my brain will play trough multiple scenarios of revenge and reactions that would be satisfying to me. I will think every negative thing under the sun, I will feel every bit of rage, disdain and annoyance. But the behavioral part is what I do about it. Do I let my aggression out and make that persons day as miserable as they just made mine? Or do I wave it off, smile and go on, even if everything inside me wants to claw its way trough their face?

first posted on my instagram (same @)

[girlcowboy1]

I think gen z ultimately lost the war against mental illness when they decided to adapt the older generations rhetoric of "mentally ill ppl who have noticeable symptoms are bad and evil and must be avoided at all costs, they deserve to be alone and die alone" which... most people are not saying that outright, but that IS what they're saying, whether they realize it or not, when they choose to discuss these issues based on personal concepts of morality and punishment instead of approaching it with a mix of empathy and an understanding of science, and how the brain operates.

"Having a mental illness isn't an excuse" is true to a certain extent, but I think a lot of people don't understand that to an extent, it also IS an excuse. The only reason people like to believe that it isn't in any capacity is because mental illness is an invisible disability, and if there's one thing that people love to dismiss the impact of, it's invisible disabilities. Because we can't see what's going on beneath the surface, we struggle to understand the issue, we struggle to empathize with the affected person, whom we may prefer to instead write off as being lazy or malicious, when in reality they are in pain and/or are missing an important tool that helps them function the way they'd like to.

Before getting on medication, I felt and (still sometimes feel) as though I existed behind an invisible glass that separated me from everyone else. I could not understand the point of a lot of mundane things, I couldn't relate to those around me, I felt like my existence was a mistake that should have never happened and the universe was attempting to expunge me by making my life so hard I would kill myself.

And then I got on medication, and suddenly I was able to see things that I had never seen before but had existed in front of me the whole time. I was able to be kinder to people, to be more patient, to talk myself out of bad thoughts I would previously ruminate about for days and weeks. I was able to communicate more coherently, to express my feelings in a way I couldn't before. I wanted to do things again. I wanted to dress up, look nice. I wanted to BE nice.

Of course, these are all still things I struggle with. Like with most tools for disability, medication is helpful in giving me the ability to function in a way that makes life more enjoyable— but it doesn't completely cure the issue. The point is. I tried so hard, time and time again, to change on my own. I tried taking supplements, I tried mindfulness, I tried changing the way I eat, I tried self-help videos/books. But I was a deeply depressed, deeply agitated person whose brain was not wired the way it should have been. So none of what I tried would stick. I would act out in ways I KNEW was wrong, but when you get into a certain state of mind, it's difficult to speak to yourself, to talk yourself down from doing or saying things you know you probably shouldn't. Especially when you feel so isolated from others, and struggle to see the point in anything.

It was only after medication that I made long-term improvements. It was only after my brain chemistry was physically altered in a positive way that my brain could begin to function better, and that my outward behavior improved.

How the anatomy of the brain effects a person is a crucial part of mental health that gets left out of relating discussions too often, I think, and its where I believe gen z unfortunately tends to overlap with gen x and boomers. The brain is an organ like any other, and if it is damaged, or sick, or lacking somewhere in its anatomy.... it will not function properly. The person whose body it inhabits will not function properly.

[iridessence]

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge myself and say that I am elated and proud to have manifested some of my major goals since 2018-2019. Basically before then, 2014-16 I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation quite frequently due to not having steady income, as jobs in retail seemed the only available and “safe” options, but long shifts standing at a registers or posts were damagingly hard on my body. In 2017 I got a desk job that set me on the path of financial stability and reduced physical load, which did absolute wonders for my mental health but it was an absolute blight to my existence over time due to terrible management and the usual corporate garbage. I knew that staying there was fine for a time but not sustainable in the long run, so change must come eventually.

also around then, I continued to explore self portraiture and personal style but I really wanted to perform/create Burlesque acts and book them, and invest in and actually have choreography/technique and beautiful costume pieces that looked like the visions refining themselves in my head through research. I was also perpetually struggling in the dating sphere with the deficit of romantic fulfillment that I deeply wanted. and while they weren’t hostile, things were definitely weird with my family (dysfunctional, literal small town energy, upset that I didn’t want to be around them more in the suburbs but lots of interpersonal toxicity and lack of emotional growth).

I knew that in the coming years I wanted to…

quit my soul sucking job and set out to be a full-time or at least professional level burlesque performer, creating the qualitative and classic show girl acts I dream to see on stage

work on the floor at a boutique or mom-and-pop type shop that sells goods or services that are interesting to me, especially aesthetically, such as an antique shop or a jewelry boutique etc., but a place where I could sit intermittently as needed for my physical disability. Also, ideally it would be a position where I could express myself through style at my choosing and it would be received well, and also my hours would not be very early or very late.

find a loving and supporting partner who I could lavish equal amounts of love and support on to, live with and hopefully marry

Achieve/maintain financial stability enough that I have a reduced risk for homelessness and sometimes treat myself to things that I enjoy.

Figure out why the relationship with my family was such a struggle and do things within my power and desire to fix it.

In a world that isn’t a corporate machine devoid of empathy, none of that seems like a tall order to ask… but I live in America so… It took some time, but I’m starting to see the fruits and returns. Honestly sometimes things feel like a blur and I’m not exactly sure I could say there was a huge system to what I did overtime to make it work, but I know the work was there.

As of today, September 9, 2023:

I am a respected professional burlesque performer with costumes I figuratively gag over and acts that come closer and closer to hitting the aesthetic nail on the head for what I want to embody. (I quit that shitty desk job at the beginning of 2019 and haven’t looked back since. Sent a whole ass company wide message with a long and detailed “fuck you” too.😂🙈)

i’ve managed through burlesque, social media work, donations and savings, and —since the global pandemic—,odd jobs and grants/minimal loans, to continuously pay rent and ward off homelessness 

I live with the love of my life, to whom I am engaged and actively planning our wedding (we looked at a venue yesterday!)

I’ve helped my mom on the growth of her emotional intelligence and commitment to learning more about values under the race, gender, and sexuality umbrella, as well pushed her to examine the enabling and entitlement dynamics with her adult children that take advantage of her. While my relationship with my brother and sister is not great, my relationship with my mom has been steadily getting better since the pandemic. we had a breakthrough at the beginning of this year where she acknowledged and apologized for guilt tripping me for not being around the family more, when I was (she quoted) “actually protecting myself like she should have been.”

and litcherally within the past week I was offered the job at a local boutique I interviewed with a year ago and didn’t get, and I signed an offer letter to begin work within the month. 

To say I’m happy with the way things look right now is an understatement. The world still terrifies me, but I have no choice but to carve out a sliver of its beautiful experiences for myself, and I am doing just that. It may not be perfection, but it’s pretty damn good and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way and make it even better. I am living my ancestors' wildest dreams!!

for anyone reading who might be struggling right now to make things work, I hope you hold on to hope that it can get better. A beautiful life is possible even on this hell scape, even for the marginalized.

[lovelymoira]

a major reason geto is so interesting as an antagonist is because within a story centered around heroic sorcerers, he is attempting to save the sorcerers themselves instead of the people. he thinks what he's doing benefits them, benefits the world essentially.

the purpose of a jujutsu sorcerer is to be a savior, and he fits that role to a T. however who he's 'saving' is actually flipped.

where this distinction stemmed from was him always seeming to lack a purpose within the sorcerer world, and his inherent thought process where he makes a clear line between "regular" people and sorcerers, emphasizing non-sorcerer inferiority.

geto, before the Riko mission, found himself coherent to sorcerer ideology. but i think its important to note that this belief doesn't really have much backing to it. He simply states that its a "duty" of theirs to protect "weaker" people- the word duty implying that this is something that's been told to him, not something which he's set on believing.

thats especially highlighted when he gives riko a choice as to what she wants. he's not set on this belief- which is actually an admirable trait in the case with riko. everyone deserves that choice.

then the whole fiasco happens with toji, but thats not really his turning point. his turning point is when he sees all those non-sorcerers who support riko's death and thats when he strictly begins his distinction of how non-sorcerers are cruel, and morally inferior. that they don't understand the sacrifices sorcerers have made, that they don't have gratitude or empathy. that, toppled with the two girls he saves/adopts, and witnessing the death of that one kid (forgot his name) who wanted to save people as per jujutsu sorcerer ideology.

one of the reasons gojo goes the opposite way in his path is because he actually had the strength to defeat toji at the end which makes him believe in honing his skills to prevent future incidences. while gojo also hates those non-sorcerers that applauded riko's death, he doesn't have to put himself through the same situation again & again in a way? geto does.

geto, while consuming curses, has to consistently remind himself of jujutsu ideology of protecting non-sorcerers, despite the plethora of negative experiences he's had with non-sorcerers in the first place. for him it was a lonely, endless cycle, and most importantly, lacked purpose.

the thing with geto is that he feels so deeply. he doesn't want other sorcerers to go through the depressive states he went through; he wants to get rid of the source of evil, which to him lies within regular people.

he found that same 'savior' purpose elsewhere, being a savior to his own people (in his eyes: more superior people) by eradicating the non-sorcerers (the inferior).

he's so interesting aaaaaa. also the way he twists his immoral actions/justifies them even more so. anyways onwards to genocide for him!

[littleguypumpkinsheep]

IHNMAIMS CAST RE-INTERPRETATION

Due to my visceral hatred of the game and the way they handled the characters, I’ve decided to re-write their stories a little bit! I’m using the book, comics, and radio drama as reference, and my own headcanons too for fun. This is all For Fun

Ellen

Things I’m Keeping

Born in Trenton, New Jersey

Computer scientist

3 degrees

Went to Stanford university 

Graduated high school early

Lived with her grandparents 

Hope in humanity

Self assured

Sympathetic

Rape survivor

Little to no interest in sex in general

Work driven

Career focused

Things I’m Changing

Black rights advocate

Queer rights advocate 

Feminist

Outspoken

Trans woman 

Lesbian

No interest in motherhood

Fell into a depression when her assault left her with chronic illness and pain

Has OCD

Character Notes

Highly distrustful of people. Kind and caring, but her concern for others is surface level. Struggles with the fear of men and violent intrusive thoughts. Favorite color is red. It calms her.

——

Ted

Things I’m Keeping

Born near Shelby, North Carolina

Grew up extremely poor

Lived on a farm

Interest in reading

Knack for mechanics and engineering

No traditional education, self taught

Studied intensively

Education focused

Grooming victim

Charming

Relied on his body for money

Philanthropist

Rich

Good sense of morals

Kindhearted

Things I’m Changing

Closeted bisexual

Not a con-artist

Not a racist

Not a womanizer

Has anxiety

Has a paranoid personality disorder

Touch adverse

Struggles with dermatillomania

Demisexual

Character Notes

Had always been paranoid and anxious even before AM, but it made his problems even worse. Struggles heavily with internalized homophobia, and gets visually uncomfortable when queer topics or people are discussed. Prideful and egotistical out of habit, but is deeply insecure in reality.

——

Gorrister

Things I’m Keeping

Born in the Midwest

Troublemaker as a child

Disrespect for authority 

Did poorly in school

Moves across states for work

Practically friendless

Has experience as a construction worker, electrician, mechanic, and a trucker

Interest in reading

Prefers to stay home and eat home-cooked meals

Wants to settle down

Divorced

Anti-war

Left-leaning political activist

Strong sense of morals and justice

Wanted a family

Things I’m Changing

Marriage with Glynis was not abusive

Did not strike his wife 

Divorced due to wanting different things out of life and overwhelming mental health issues

Bisexual

Queer rights activist 

Has depression

Has CPTSD

Born in Texas specifically

Struggles with alcoholism

Struggles with anger issues

Is an artist

Character Notes

Very deeply loved and adored his wife. He did everything he could for her, but it just wasn’t enough. Glynis’ worsening mental state became too much for either of them to handle, and Gorrister didn’t know what to do. Sending her to a mental hospital was a non-option, things got worse, and she commuted suicide. He blames himself for it every day of his life.

——

Nimdok

Things I’m Keeping

Born in Düsseldorf

Jewish parents

Went to medical school 

Apparent lack of compassion

Gay

Scientist

German

Has dementia

Had a partner in Brazil

The oldest of the group

Self assured

Logical

Things I’m Changing

Not a nazi 

Not decrepit 

Has early-onset dementia specifically

Not AM’s favorite

Low empathy

Low sympathy

Has a general disinterest in other people

AroAce

Struggles with schizophrenia 

Character Notes

While unable to sympathize or understand other people’s emotions, it wasn’t ever in his nature to be outright mean or cruel. Rather, his dementia is what caused the change in behavior. Sometimes he has moments of clarity, where his true nature can be seen for a few fleeting moments. Still retains his sharp scientific mind.

——

Benny

Things I’m Keeping

Gay

Professor

Good looking

Intelligent

Born somewhere in America

Strong willed

High perseverance

Self assured

Physically strong

Things I’m Changing

Had absolutely nothing to do with the military 

Did not have a wife

Is not needlessly mean or violent

Career driven

Focus in academics

Knows sign language

Struggles with chronic fatigue and pain

A softer man

Interest in nature and the outdoors 

Character Notes

Never one to start a fight or even anger much at all, Benny was laidback and easygoing. He had a calm life, and his personality was upbeat. Nothing ever seemed to bring him down. Not even his chronic illnesses, as frustrating and disheartening as they could be. In his free time he was somewhat of a survivalist. 

[ateez-himari]

Behind The Track ... Paranoia ♪

🔓 Unlocked

‥ Himari has spoken on mental health struggles in the solo release 'Shadow', yet this track focuses on personifying the disorder in order to truly demonstrate the extent to which she fought to stay alive during this time

‥ It was written in English due to its foreign nature, reflecting how none of these emotions experienced through her depression felt natural, as well as how direct certain words are compared to Korean

‥ The lengthy instrumental at the end is the representation of chaos slowly turning into peace, moving from an electric guitar (Apollo) to softer strings supported by vocals - the movement of her soul from Hell to Heaven, from struggle to healing

‥ 'AM 4:44' was originally supposed to serve as the title track but as it dives so deeply into her mental state that she chose to set it as a B-Side due to its extremely heavy nature. 'Paranoia' is also the only vocal track in the EP so she felt like this was a better representation of who she is - because of her position in the group

📂 Notebook

‥ 'but I know you, wanna leave me in the tomb'

Himari was relentlessly attempting to claw her way out of the depression no matter how tiring the fight became, yet the disorder felt like another separate entity, a shadow, that was pushing back against this desperate determination

‥ 'reminiscing time that we drained, saw you glancing out, wanna keep you chained'

While she was struggling, the maknae was spending a lot of time meaninglessly in an attempt to distract herself, to drain the non-working hours left in a day that she knew would be torturous either way. Most of this time felt as though she was glancing out of a window, living as a secondary person in her own body, trapped by the shadow that overtook her mind

‥ 'feed my paranoia cuz you're stuck in my head'

Paranoid Personality Disorder is when someone constantly feels mistrust towards others and irrationally fear they will be deceived, taken advantage of or even harmed, which her mental struggles were making her believe at the time, especially when it came to 'fans'. The shadow is in fact not saying that its head is filled with no other thoughts than Himari, but rather gloating about the fact that she is trapped inside of its 'mind'.

‥ 'feeling narcissistic and you're keeping me fed'

Narcissistic personality traits include; Lack of empathy, Exploitation behaviors and Preoccupations with fantasies of success. While the lyrics do not refer to narcissism in its exactness, the word is used to personify the image that was being projected by the shadow in the young woman's mind. It had no empathy for her struggle, found her deepest fears & weaknesses just to exploit them and the fighting only made her more desperate for success in hopes that it would solve everything - which only sustained her depression.

‥ 'wanna keep you tied to the anger i dread'

There were many times were the maknae felt pure anger towards this situation, towards the world, and this gave her more strength to fight - but with the depression being personified it fears this emotion. It was actively attempting to keep her 'true' self at bay by directing the anger at none other than herself.

‥ 'call me selfish but i'm doing what's right for my love'

This is the only lyric through which the true Himari speaks, explaining to she shadow why she is trying to hard to stay alive - for every single person reaching their hands into this abyss to pull her out.

‥ 'call me greedy but i'm insecure of what could come'

The shadow was constantly trying to take over more parts of her mind each time as it 'knows' that after what happened with her older brother, she will never stop fighting and will only chip away at it more with every desperate tear at its cage.

‥ 'there's nothing amiss, i wanna keep you safe, in the dark abyss, locked away'

These deceptive whispers are attempting to convince her that this mental state serves as protection against the harshness of idol life at the time, that being in this abyss filled with nothing more than despair is better than living in the outside world. It is trying to get her to give up the fight, to completely lose her original self and give way to whatever shell it was creating.

‥ 'keep you hostage in my brain'

It was not actually the shadow's 'brain' that the maknae was locked inside of, but rather her own that has been taken over by this seemingly endless depression, serving as a hostage until it got what it wanted - to escape by taking her life.

‥ 'winding me up, making me insane'

This represents the shadow's ever growing frustration at the fact that she simply refuses to give up no matter how many times she is beaten back down, serving as the final personified representation of her Depressive Disorder - illustrating the fact that it felt like an actual fight to Himari.

LISTEN TO 'PARANOIA' NOW ON SPOTIFY

[bumblingest-bee]

the number of gen z men who voted trump is so so sooooo fucking depressing. these are my peers my classmates my coworkers and they don’t see me as fully human. their worldview is fundamentally opposed to it and they will not believe anyone who tries to challenge this because they are deeply ingrained in entitled misogynist communities and ideologies and they have no incentive to change their beliefs because their lack of respect and empathy for women will only ever benefit them. yay 😀

[beevean]

A more fleshed out idea of how I would have ended the Lenector story in the most balanced way I can think of.

Lenore is Hector's prisoner, as per canon. He still treats her as nothing happened, like a good friend, but Lenore is sulking and angry and not even bothering to keep up the façade like Hector used to do in her position. It's unfair, after she treated him as her only confidant, and she couldn't care less, that's what the traitor gets. Hector thinks he should be happy, to have reversed the roles on her... but he isn't. Unlike Lenore, power over another person doesn't satisfy him. He can't help but see her as a depressed animal in a cage... much like he used to be.

He wanted to protect her, he really did, but only now he's seeing how much hurt he caused her. Much like she said she meant to do with the ring, although to this day he doesn't know if it was a lie or the truth. There is no joy in inflicting her the same fate she inflicted upon him, even if it comes from a place of well-meaning and not selfishness. He has seen what that kind of "eye for an eye" mentality brings to the world, and he wants none of it.

So, he finally takes a decision for himself, and repays the one debt he has with her. He helps her flee from the castle. He is, for the first time, showing empathy to a person and not an animal.

(I don't even think Isaac needs to be kept in the dark. Lenore on her own is harmless, nothing like Carmilla who became a danger to the world. Hector and Lenore are dangerous tools in the wrong hands, but they lack the ambition that makes them solid threats, as they are mostly concerned with feeling safe. If Isaac truly wants to do good to everyone, he has no reason to keep Lenore as a prisoner, not even to force her to work for him. Same for Hector, since the two might have "forgiven" each other, but they have no relationship whatsoever. Perhaps him heeding Hector's request could show more how compassionate he has truly grown.)

Lenore is confused as to why, and Hector more or less explains that he couldn't bear watching her drinking herself into a stupor. Lenore snaps, and yells at him that he has no right to feeling sorry for her after what he has done, after going behind her back, after ruining her life... and is promptly shot down by Hector flashing his mutilated hand. Every ounce of ire Lenore directs at Hector is actually directed at herself, and they both know it. She is deeply regretting everything she did for the sake of people that didn't even respect her, she is just too proud to apologize. And her pride, her insecurity, her need to be the one in control, was what prevented her from truly being the good person she wanted to be. The very reason Hector wasn't happy with her despite her best efforts, and destroyed her life.

She really thought something so paltry as a slave ring would tame the human spirit. She really thought humans, like vampires, would care more about safety than freedom. For a diplomat who set herself to bridge humankind and vampirekind, she let her basic instincts get the better of her.

"Why didn't you just kill me back then?" she yells, attacks, it feels so good to blame Hector rather than herself. "At least I wouldn't have known how little I matter to you!"

"I'm no longer that child," Hector responds. "I'm no longer the boy who believes to have the right to punish others. Besides, shouldn't you know the desire to spare someone's life no matter what?"

They had never breached that subject again, not after Lenore dismissed it in a fit of denial. It still weighs on her. He can no longer care.

"All this time," Hector says at last, "I expected an apology, but I think I don't need it anymore. As much as I don't need you anymore. I'm grateful for your efforts to protect me from your sisters' ire, so now I'll use them to live for myself. I'm sorry it had to be this way."

He holds no grudges anymore, and he has genuinely come to appreciate the real Lenore behind her masks and the way she took care of him during the previous six weeks, when the world would have chewed him and spit him out; but at the same time, he can't bear staying with her. She makes him too sad. It reminds him of how low he allowed himself to be brought for the sake of some scraps of love. She reminds him too much of a version of him he doesn't want to be. There are too many conflicting feelings in him. He can't help but think that, in another life, the two could have been genuine friends, if not more... but not this one. Too much baggage, too much shared misery. He is done with it. No more will he seek safety and love in other people, as if he wasn't strong enough. He deserves better.

Lenore doesn't know what to think anymore. She wants to die so badly, she is almost tempted to not hide herself from the sun: she can't concieve her existence as nothing more than a black hole, unworthy of living. She is nothing more than a disgusting monster doomed to spread misery to the world, she thinks, and she should die like one. She has nothing left, no allies, no home, and the one person she fell in love with is pulling away from her, and she can't bear being abandoned, and she completely understands why he's doing so. At the same time, however... Hector too has nothing left, and yet he wants to live. After everything he went through, after himself desiring death at Isaac's hand, he wants to experience real life, not survival like he has done since he was born. Lenore pretended to praise his strength when she was manipulating him, but now she has come to genuinely admire that trait. Can she, a vampire used to nothing but comfort, be as strong as a human being?

She wants to ask Hector if he thinks she's a good person. A glance at his mutilated hand answers her more than any word could. Lenore, all this time, had no idea what being "good" meant, she was only good at putting up a façade of gentleness, and she thought it was enough. All this time, she behaved like a vampire pretending to be human... so now, she will learn from the best human she has ever met. The best person. The only one who saw her as a person as well, behind her masks, behind her usefulness.

Even if Hector is now walking towards the dawn, with nothing but his resolution. For the first time, he will live for him, for himself.

They will never meet again, but in a twisted way, they gave each other what they needed to grow.

[savagewildnerness]

I’ve been thinking on Gabrielle elsewhere & I thought we could discuss her here? I’m curious regarding everyone’s thoughts on her & feelings towards her!

I find her desire to be in nature & shun humans very relatable & also, likely, the true secret to surviving immortality. Also, I’m sure 100% of us born female can in some way relate to Gabrielle’s experience. And imagine how much worse her experience of being born female must have been in the 1700’s. What a claustrophobic thought! I don’t know how I: someone who has never dated or loved could have survived back then!?

But her coldness, I find so difficult: to Lestat, who she says she loves & who she does sometimes show love to… in a way I find her way more damaging to Lestat than his Father & brothers, who simply hate him. At least Lestat knows where he is with them. Gabrielle intermittently offers Lestat love & hope… but only ever on her terms…. And then she pulls away to the TRUE opposite of love. Which is not hate. It is indifference. It feels to me like at least 90% of the time, Gabrielle is indifferent to Lestat. What could be more loveless than that? Yet he loves her, like a little donkey, reaching for the carrot of her love. And she kind of keeps him dependent on only that love too. Lestat has nowhere else to feel love from… at least until his Mastiffs.

Gabrielle disconcerts me even when she listens to Lestat in crisis. Again, sometimes she shows love. But often she treats Lestat like an interesting work of art… he is interesting to her for as long as she gets some interesting artistic fulfilment from what he says. But she as often responds with her own experience or merely leaves him be & withdraws again as that she offers comfort, I feel.

Then, when she is turned a vampire, I suppose it’s unsurprising, given who she is that Gabrielle feels zero empathy towards any human anymore. But it’s truly terrifying to me.

And in the end, I just can’t forgive Gabrielle for not teaching child-Lestat to read, as a voracious reader herself. It would have taken so little time & she would have gifted him worlds. But no: she could only ever offer Lestat a thing money could buy, for him to work out entirely alone. Rarely ever love.

I know Lestat loves Gabrielle, but I don’t think what Gabrielle feels towards Lestat is love. I wonder if maybe she even envies him in part, because he is a boy & that could influence some of the ways in which she denies him? Of course, she also admits she keeps Lestat trapped at home as surely as his Father & brothers, so perhaps Gabrielle never teaching Lestat to read isn’t her ignoring or not noticing his needs & desires, but rather acquiescing to her own: Gabrielle doesn’t want her son to be literate as it could be a means for him to escape his home & then she would be entirely alone?

There are such complex dynamics. And I’ve not even touched on how Gabrielle shares her sexual fantasies with her teenaged son yet…

Of course, it’s clear in part Gabrielle has postnatal depression, in how she feels nothing towards any of her children (& we must remember that Lestat’s surviving brothers were certainly loved even less by Gabrielle.) And poor Gabrielle was trapped from a young age in a loveless marriage, without hope in a way that is so different to 2024, yet was so common 250 years ago (almost Universal?) that we can imagine… but it is only imagining…

But still, I have such complicated thoughts towards Gabrielle. On the one hand, I find her so relatable & I find her withdrawal from humanity relatable too… but that’s from my perspective as someone with few humans in my life. I deeply do care about the few humans that aren my life! But her coldness & lack of empathy - honestly, it makes me feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, teetering over an infinite void! I find it terrifying, unsettling, deeply disturbing.

I want to do a poll, but I’m unsure the question… let’s see… (also note, I haven’t fully discussed gender… I refer to her as “her” here, as she is in the books, but I think she is likelier to not be “her” in the show, at least in modern day, which I’m really looking forward to how she is written & portrayed.)

I am fascinated to experience her TV self, but I have such complicated feelings towards Gabrielle.

[obsessiveagony2point0]

So…having thoughts about a Dead Boy AU.

✨ Some thoughts ✨

Charles was killed by a werewolf. As he died his body very quickly accepted the bite and tried to shift into his werewolf form, but didn’t succeed. As a result, his spirit has sharp teeth and 3 claw mark scars that run from his left ear across his eye. His constant werewolf hunger causes him to lose control and posess people to have them run amok and kill people. His spirit is extremely unsettled because of the werewolf in him.

Edwin lacks 0 sympathy or empathy or anything for anyone or anything but Charles, and even that is extremely little. He has certainly little emotion, save for anger, and he doesn’t understand others feelings or his own save for depression and despair. Which is why he is Despair’s little helper. Edwin is the voice that whispers in one’s ear that they should just k*ll themselves and has supernatural persuasion skills. Not sure if killed as a sacrifice or from a creature. Despair saw him in hell convincing other sinners they deserved their fate and “bought” Edwin’s soul.

Between the two of them homicide and suicide numbers have gone up drastically.

Charles is deeply in love with Edwin. Edwin thinks Charles is a pest and thinks Charles only likes him because of his persuasion skill (which isn’t the case). As much as Edwin think Charles is annoying, he also doesn’t want Charles to leave his side.

And that’s it so far!

To be honest this began with my love of Jayden’s ears and thinking he’d make a very good werewolf, which lead to me wondering what an “evil” Charles would look like and what an “evil” Edwin would be like.

I wanna tinker with Edwin being owned by Despair, but I really like that line of thinking considering he entered her realm and that his soul was so scarred by hell Ester wanted him.

[volivolition]

Your tags in my notes give me life every time 🙏🙏thank you so much!

I would love to hear your thoughts on what might happen to Esprit post-RCM!! And yeah poor electrochem... I think it was meant for the little daily dopamine highs of life, the good food and new experiences and cute cats, but it's been hijacked by addiction into something best ignored :((

!! YESS omg of course, you make such good art AND writing i have gotta pay my respects!! hgkjh delighted to see your DE fanworks always :3 <33

!! HELL YES I WOULD LOVE TO SHARE, and its so cool to have that echem mention because it's a really good parallel: YES!! Electrochemistry is made to take care of general mesolimbic system reports and for lil everyday happy dopamine moments, little treats and smiles from kim hkjhg but it gets fucked up by addiction because HOLY SHIT life is AWFUL and DEPRESSING and surely drugs and alcohol will save us!! :')

AND SIMILARLY!! i think Esprit De Corps (literally Group Spirit or team spirit) is originally meant to be a skill of Community and Belonging, but gets fucked up by the RCM!! more under cut because this is LONG hgkjh

in my headcanons, Esprit is the youngest skill to form, but it wasn't as late as the RCM. Originally, I think that Esprit was made for the kinship Harry felt for the The Fifteenth Indotribe. Harry and seven other kids, running together as a group of friends causing trouble, this was Harry's first sense of belonging somewhere. Pretty low level and not as psychically linked, just happy to feel connected to people. When the indotribe eventually fell apart, Esprit was left fractured and dormant for a while as Harry drifted from having a sense of community. Esprit for real, at this point in time, Esprit is a ghost of a fury, low level and barely tangible.

(The thing holding them together was their attachment to the other skills, because at least they're still part of a group that way, even if Harry wasn't. Friends with Empathy, a part of the psyches, one of the 24 skills. If Esprit lacked those bonds with the other furies, its likely they would have faded entirely.)

Then Harry became a gym teacher, and Esprit returns as Esprit L'école (School Spirit :3) which helps him communicate with school staff, faculty and students. And Harry cares about this new community dearly. Deeply tender at heart, Harry loves the kids in his classes and finds camaraderie with his coworkers and wants the best for this school. Not just the best gym teacher, he's one of the best teachers in general. He puts his everything into this school, and Esprit L'école thrives in this new environment for several years.

Then they meet Dora, and shit gets fucked!! Dora convinces Harry to join the RCM, and Esprit fractures further. Unlike the Fifteenth Indotribe or the Grand Couron High School, this isn't something he finds community in. I mean, they think they do at first. The RCM is meant to help the community, right? Surely working here will bolster Esprit? But y'know how it goes, RCM culture is harsh and immoral and corrupted at its heart, for the scarce good they can do, there is so, so much bad for the community and god Esprit is hurting.

...but this is for Dora, and trying to put a bandage on a dying relationship, so Esprit De Corps forces it. Forces themselves to lean hard into the kinship with cops and to fit into police culture and conform to RCM standards, forces himself to be The Cop Skill. All of the skills at this point are going into overdrive as well, Volition tries to focus on hard work in hopes that it will pay off in the long run, Empathy tries to make himself smaller so he's not in the way, Echem is RUNNING OUT OF DOPAMINE and oh hey, this speed shit makes us a better cop, I'll take it!! dear god, the RCM is fucking over ALL THE SKILLS, everyone is struggling at this point.

And Dora leaves. Harry suffers, and so do the skills, and trying to distract from it, they just launch themselves HARDER into the RCM shit. nothing else to live for, to do, throw all reluctance to the wind, work yourself to the brink of death. 18 total years of service, 216 cases, above 90% of officers in the entire RCM, a Lieutenant Double-Yefreitor. Renowned and accomplished; this is not the community Esprit De Corps loves, but it is the one he's entrenched in, and nothing, not even amnesia, can detach him from this.

Until they quit.

honestly ive seen like! a few fics where harry quits the RCM, and always thought, "oh hey nice acab :] ...HEY WAIT WHAT'S ESPRIT DOING." so i made a fic, because a LOT of my fics are focused on the skills side of things. the humans are no longer my priority, i am a skills lover and my fucking god i gotta make my own food around here [gestures at several in-progress pasta bakes and cake batters and salad ingredients because EVERYTHING IS WIPS]

there was a first concept that was just like "DOES ESPRIT JUST DISAPPEAR???" which would have been TRAGIC and i could've made a whole cool thing about it but im alrEADY WORKING ON SEVERAL MULTI-CHAPTERS HKJHG and that's not how skills work in my canon <3

so my fic is a oneshot called "Who Are You, If Not..." because when you've made your whole life one thing and that thing gets taken away from you, who do you become? and its not very plot heavy, it's just a late-night conversation between the psyche skills.

here's a snippet from while i was working on the coding hkgjh

(since i write a lot of skills, i have this style where i put all skill actions in the [check] color and leave dialogue in white, which is a little restrictive to work with but i like how it turns out <33)

to lose a group you attached yourself to, even if they were bad for you, even if everything about it sucked. but you keep checking in, you keep instinctively going back because at least it was something. ough... i think it's scary for them, yknow? he's losing touch with what he based his existence around, and he knows its for the better, but it's... complicated hkjgh

ANYWAY THOSE ARE MY ESPRIT THOUGHTS HKJHG <33 thank you for reading if you did!! i LOVE the concept of esprit being more than just the cop skill, he's the skill of community to me!! hkjhg yay :]

[punkpandapatrixk]

The Kind of Sad You Can’t Understand

Certain days I feel very deeply that I want to cry but I don’t know why.

For such a long time I lived with this kind of mood without being able to express it anywhere, not to anyone. I was struggling for my sanity; I was constantly thinking of destroying myself; and I was hoping someone would see me, and rush to save me. But nobody ever saw that of me.

I was a badass. I was a cool girl. I seemed to everybody else a smart, talented, expensive girl who's got all her shit together. Even on days she wasn't all that together, she had an enviable life anyway. I appeared on the outside too glamorous for anybody to even imagine that on the inside I was rotting. I was this close to being dead, all the time.

Who in their simple-mindedness would've thought a girl like that could be so macabre all the time? And that’s how I experienced an entire life witnessing people’s lack of empathy. I guess my point of view was fragmented but that was how life was for me anyway. Ironically, some intuitive peeps who were able to see the macabre in me thought I was frightening more than anything HAHAHAH That was all the same in the end. Enough with the gossips. I don’t know what normal people expect from everybody else they meet, to be honest. I don’t know what I’d expected from them either.

I guess it’s because the society I grew up in was like that that I couldn’t bring myself to show anybody my distress. Trauma. Mental illness. Disordered personality. All of that was nothing but insanity. And insane people don’t belong in society.

So simple. Yet so cruel.

Thank you, Jesus. Mother Mary. Catholic Church. Thanks for all the rejection. I’m SO happy now!

That’s fucking twisted.

In a society brimming with nothing but pretenders, we meet and chit and chat and act like all of our troubles are manageable to say the least. ‘Yeah, it’s not that bad, to be honest.' But it was; you've just got to pose real strong otherwise people think you're a loser. 'I guess I’m OK.’ But you weren't; you've just got to really make it sound like you're still keeping it together. 'I'll be just fine.' But you wouldn't know; you didn't even know if you'd still wanna be alive tomorrow.

In the midst of all those meaningless exchanges, I hated quite nothing more than to hear, especially from men, how strong I was as a woman. I hated it like I'd never hated anything in my life.

It was suffocating to be seen as holding it together when you were literally breaking at the seams...

I wanted someone to be able to notice I was screaming on the inside. That I was gasping for air every second I was sitting there listening to their trivial chitter chatter. Who cares about your silly drama? Would you care for mine if you knew my life was on the line? And I hated those expectant eyes. All of them. Were they expecting me to share in their self-made woes and console them in the end? HAH. Go to hell, losers.

I always thought, none of MY problems were created by my own reckless behaviours that would've obviously hurt myself or others. Not in the beginning, at least. Unlike some idiots, I was never into drugs, one night stands, or even smoking; I never caused anybody any trouble. So why did everybody cause me trouble when all I wanted was just a peaceful, normal life? Shit, what even was my IDEA of a normal life? I can't remember now.

Certain days I feel very deeply that I want to cry but I don’t know why. There's always not enough reason to do so now. Haah... If it weren't for my abundance of Aquarius, which makes me incredibly lazy and antisocial, I'd have paraded around town and rallied to become a Neo Hitler and kill everybody in this rotten world. I hated this world so much.

The first ever PAC I put out here was ‘What’s Your Crazy?’ What ever was my reason for writing that? I was crazy and I needed some explanation.

I used to look like the girl in the third pic before I chopped all of my hair off everyone began to suspect I was gay. I wasn’t gay; I was depressed. Those unassuming idiots.

[itsnotmyfaultsomepeoplecantread]

"Am I actually autistic," I whisper, while picking out half of the vegetables from my soup because they make the texture wrong. "What if everyone was right and I am just choosing to be a mess, and there isn't any other explanation for my weirdness," I say, reciting my ABCs backwards, and listening to the same song on a loop because it keeps me focused and calm. "I don't even have special interests," I say, knowing full well that I get wildly invested in specific shows/movies/information, and have re-watched a niche TV show about thieves dozens upon dozens of times because it makes me happy, and I get exhausted by too many new pieces of media.

"Are my support needs even valid," I scream, on the phone with my mom during a panic attack that was triggered by the wind unpredictably whistling through the pipes. "Is my level of social anxiety and unresponsiveness enough," I ask, thinking about how my remarkably vivid memories since the age of two are primarily filled with a life wrought with social struggles, which have never, ever gone away, even after years of practicing small talk and rehearsing conversations in my head in never-ending loops.

"What if I'm just broken," I sob, quietly, knowing that before my diagnosis, no treatments worked because my brain is functionally different, and I don't have control over what that looks like. "What that's not the answer," I say, texting my partner who sits on the couch next to me, because I have lost my words, and thinking of how no one ever noticed my verbal shutdowns because my silence was preferable to my occasional periods of babbling. "What if I'm not even autistic," I whisper, quietly, into a dark room of memories of everyone that has ever told me how deeply weird and wrong I am, but act surprised when I tell them I'm autistic.

As I ask myself these questions, I wrap myself in the perfectly-textured sweater that was the closest thing I could find to the ancient, hole-filled one I cried over when I left it on the plane at 22 years old. The sleeves of my sweater cover scars from a decade of picking at my skin. The picking helps me process the day's social interactions, and attempt to understand my own mysterious emotions.

The exhaustion it yields is unbearable. I tire of fighting to be heard, yet struggling to explain with the accuracy I desire. Of constantly hearing how everyone "is a little autistic," because I cannot possibly be disabled if I have spent years trying desperately to learn basic small talk. Because most people don't care to learn, or to reach behind the mask and see what lies beneath. They don't know me. And yet, despite their doubts, I find myself torn apart when they inevitably get frustrated by my inability to read invisible boundaries between faintly marked lines. I follow the social cues I am told to follow, and still I get it wrong.

The lack of trust builds the walls that so few have been able to breach. Even fewer remain welcome, becoming those whom I treasure with undying loyalty. I remain honest and open, my idealism and empathy wanting so desperately for people to be as good as I know they can be. But that doesn't prevent the rejections from haunting me, convincing me that my existence is wrong.

It haunts me.

So, I spiral. I think of how much I copy others, at the cost of my own identity. I think, too, of my stubborn refusal to do what everyone else is doing or is telling me to do, and of every time that I have panicked over something that no one else understood. I think of how many times I have felt like an outsider; of how many times I sought out the company of my teachers to that of my peers. I think of every test that I cried on, while others laughed at me — of how deeply depressed and angry it made me, knowing that they would never understand. And I worry that I don't even fit the standard of normal for my own diagnoses. I worry that I am this way by choice. I worry that I am judged. I worry.

But as the worry hits me like violent ocean waves, I let it wash over me until the feeling calms. And I finally let it go.

[call-sign-shark]

Omg Shark--please, please give me an analysis of what Heaven would think of Lucy!

This is part of the game “What does Heaven think about your OC?”. The answer is divided in two parts — a thorough analysis and, only if you ask for it in the askbox, a little blurb in which our two characters interact. Disclaimer: Keep in mind that Heaven’s coldness doesn’t reflect my opinion.

Analysis: I haven’t read your Love Me series entirely so please forgive me if I do not get Lucy right. From what I’ve read, Lucy is a profoundly kind, caring but scarred and controversial character. Her immense co-dependency with Tommy leads her to have questionable morals, to sometimes do the dirty work, and to be seen as Tommy’s shadow. She’s also pretty much self-beating, emotionally fragile and can be suicidal if she feels like a burden (my poor angel). Let’s break this down:

Considering her hatred for Tommy, she tends not to give a damn about everything that concerns him which isn’t directly link with Arthur. But to be honest stirring her interest is not an easy thing to do. With that being said, she would be completely indifferent to Lucy at first, seeing her as nothing else than a lost puppy clinging to Tommy. Someone she would have no interest in getting to know because of how insignificant she is.

This is only when she would understand Lucy’s implication in the business, the extent of her loyalty/adoration for Tommy and her deep trauma that Heaven would deign really notice her. From this moment, there are two things: First, she wouldn’t understand why some people are scared of her and second, she would think she’s truly pathetic (in the sense of “conveying pity through vulnerability”). She would see her as this fragile little thing she could crush easily had she wanted too. But she doesn’t want because even ASPD she doesn’t see the point of hurting someone who poses no threat to her or her happiness.

However, I feel like the pivotal detail in Heaven’s harsh opinion would be Lucy’s kindness. If Lucy shows her kindness just like it is in HYE where she gifts her a knife, Heaven would be completely confused, not understanding why this girl is being genuinely nice to her even though she has shown nothing but deadly coldness and shallow smiles to her. From there, she would agree on putting some efforts into being more considerate and get to know her — even though it would be awkward and a bit harsh. With time, Heaven would manage to obliterate Tommy’s influence on her and sees her as a complex, traumatized individual. She would be intrigued by how Lucy feels her emotions really intensely — contrary to her who feels a lot of things in a shallow way. Also, she would respect (and be fascinated by) her for being able to remain this overall kind and soft figure no matter how deeply this life has scarred her.

In the end, I can see Heaven enjoying Lucy’s company. Maybe friendship is far too strong if we think about friendship in the conventional sense though? I mean Heaven would still sometimes want to punch or shake her like a tree when Lucy is self-deprecating and depressed but it’s mainly due to her lack of empathy. But to be honest, if Lucy makes the first steps I’m convinced they could bond a bit over trivial, peaceful moments such as spending time with animals or keeping silent company to the other when they are put aside since they are two outcasts.

I’m just sorry if she sometimes hurt Lucy’s feeling by being offhand and too blunt, it’s not personal. If she tolerates Lucy around, it’s just because she doesn’t care about hurting people’s feeling, not because she dislikes her or really intents to hurt her. The only people she really put efforts into caring for their feelings were Amos, John and Arthur. And even with them it has a bit of a selfish component because their happiness = her happiness and peace. Also Amos was a complex exception because he was the dominant one in the relationship, older, more manipulative than her... ANYWAY.

I Hope you enjoyed this analysis and that it didn’t sting too much. Please don’t be shy and give your opinion too! Also, are you surprised that I feel like Heaven would still enjoy spending time with Lucy despite everything? This is also hilarious considering Hev is quite younger than Lucy. In S3 she’s 24/25.

[fushiglow]

I have an interesting question was geto suguru a psychopath or sociopath?

Neither. Putting aside the fact that it's generally agreed that 'psychopathy' and 'sociopathy' are outdated terms for diagnoses which fall under the umbrella of 'personality disorders' (which are mired in controversy themselves) these days, Getō simply doesn't fit the criteria.

I believe Getō likely developed post-traumatic stress disorder after the events of the failed Star Plasma Vessel mission, but he never lacked empathy. In fact, I'd almost argue (although it's more much complex than this) that Getō's problems arose from an excess of empathy. He couldn't compartmentalise the horrors he saw in the way, for example, Gojō seems able to — but no one should have to do that in the first place.

I'm generally reluctant to diagnose characters with any condition I don't have personal experience with. As I've said before, I don't have the expertise to diagnose his mental state after his defection, but my view is that the callousness of his actions after that point likely stems from some degree of dissociation, rather than a lack of empathy. My speculation — and that's all it really is at the end of the day — stops there though.

In my opinion, whatever the 'correct' diagnosis might be isn't as important as identifying the circumstances that created the problem in the first place. To quote part of my answer to a question about whether Getō was depressed:

Getō's story is a deeply sad one that we can all learn from in the real world. I think we should be able to condemn the path that someone chooses while recognising the suffering that led them to it. If we don't learn to prevent the latter, we'll never be able to prevent the former — and that's one of my most firmly held beliefs.

Thank you for the question ♥